Shit That Happened This Week

This week was full of stuff, stuff to make you go "huh?"

Well this week was sort of blinded by what happened in The Walking Dead. It put me on a downer, so much so that I spent all of Wednesday lying on my bathroom floor in a state of shock/inebriation. In the end the neighbour below me called the police because apparently I was screaming “Lori!” but I don’t remember.

The second part of this week has been gearing up for two epic things that are going to happen next week. Firstly Lana Del Rey is releasing Born To Die, Paradise Edition. Secondly, Deftones are releasing their seventh studio album, Koi No Yokan, which is Japanese for the sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall into love. This excites me greatly. Expect reviews next week.

But firstly, there’s the whole mess of crap that was this week to sort through. This is what you missed if you too were too fucked-up by TWD to fully invest in this week.

Also, Obama won, I think.

Brad Battles The Undead

Joining the hordes of bandwagon jumpers that have clambered onto the popularity of zombies of late, which by the way I predict to be over in about five months, being replaced with a new trend of mermaid stuff (films, music, books, TV, human/fish experimentation), was Brad Pitt, whose trailer for World War Z was released this week. Check it, bitches. 

Gaga Goes Gaga For Sandy

New York made me the fierce bitch I am today, said Gaga

Lady Gaga donated $1m to the American Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy relief fund.
The singer explained that she would be giving the hefty sum to help out her hometown of New York on her Little Monsters social networking site.

“Today I pledge 1 million dollars to New York & The American Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy Relief,” she said. “If it wasn't for NYC: the Lower Eastside, Harlem, the Bronx and Brooklyn, I would not be the woman or artist that I am today.”

"New York is relentless ambition, a drive to succeed, a place where there is a natural pursuit of diversity through compassion. Please accept this gift on behalf of myself, my parents Joe and Cynthia, and my sister Natali; with our deepest gratitude New York for raising us. Thank you for helping me build my spirit. I will now help you rebuild yours."


Alan Moore Sings To Support Occupy Movement

Comic book Writer Alan more, creator of Watchmen and V For Vendetta, which spawned the famous Occupy symbol of the Guy Fawkes mask, has composed a political song in support of the Occupy movement.

The song, The Decline of English Murder, is a ballad that likens the stark economic inequities challenged by Occupy to the work of a killer. It is released by Occupation Records, the musical spin-off from the protest group, which has already collaborated with Radiohead's Thom Yorke and members of Massive Attack, among others.

It’s deep.

It’s real.

It’s emotional.

It’s a little bit The Streets.

“English murder is all over her face”

Moore, 58, is one of the most famous names in modern comics. The bulk of his titles, which include Watchmen From Hell and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the bulk of which, have been made into Hollywood films of varying quality, many of them in turn disowned by the irascible writer.

Series Dissect: The Walking Dead S03E04 - Killer Within

Spoiler Alert

Killer within will destroy all you think you know about TWD

I have only one word to describe TWD’s fourth episode: CARNAGE.

Total fucking carnage.

Finally, the show has its edge back. It’s TWD equivalent of G.R Martian’s A Storm Of Swords book 2, which if you’ve read will know what I mean. It’s TWD at its best. No one is safe; no one is above getting ripped the fuck up.

Pro:

We open before the credits to a mystery person cutting the gates of the prison and placing a bloody heart at the gates to lure walkers in. Who is it? Why are they doing that, we ask the person/imaginary friend sat next to us?

Pro:

For the first time in this season we see some light heartedness. The group are relaxed and are making plans for the future of the prison. Rick wants to grow crops, but doesn’t want to do it on walker rotted soil, so the boys set about disposing of all the walker bodies out of the prison. Happy Happy.

Con:

These people turn up again. I thought we were over this. But apparently they still want in on the Ricktatorship. But, alas, they are denied. T-Dog gets a line too. He feels that by not letting them in the group they’re as good as killing them. Well done T-Dog, keep it up. More of this and we might actually care about your character.

Pro:

More good news for the group, Hershel is back on his feet and seems to be coping well with being a uni-leg. I’m coming to like that he’s a tough old boot, is Hershel. Still be better dead though.

Con:

Over in Woodbury, Andrea’s vagina falls even deeper for the Gov, who, after such a big deal made about how he never reveals his name to anyone, tells her that it’s Phillip. Important.

Pro:

Michonne inspects the tank they brought in last week and sees the bullet holes and the blood that covers it. She subtly tells the Gov that she suspects them of being bandits.

Pro:

Merle wants to go and look for his brother Daryl, after Andrea tells him the location of Hershel’s farm. He wants Andrea for sexy time. 

Pro:

Merle asks the Gov for permission, but is told that the Gov needs him right where he is in Woodbury. What game is he playing? I’ll tell you what game. Zombie golf, that’s what. Four!

Con:

Andrea tells Michonne she wants them to stay in the village a few more days even though Michonne’s super instincts are telling her that they need to leave.

Pro:

Zombie Attack! Ruining the first smile-fucking between Rick and Lori in a long time, walkers burst in from the gate that was opened before the credits. Gore ensues. Uni-leg and daughter girl manage to get to a safe place for some reason.

Pro:

This happens to T-Dog:

Con:

Carol is still wearing this head wrap. Important:

Pro:

T-Dog throws himself to the walkers to save Carol. He's been bitten and knows he's dead anyway. Bye T-Dog, you were a great... I mean, I will miss... anyway, see ya.

Con:

Carol may have died anyway, as the group find her hideous headscarf on the floor next to a half eaten body. Clearly it didn't repel walkers like potential boyfriends, as was her plan.

Pro:

Rick and the boys struggle through their own security to get back inside the prison to help the rest of the gang.

Pro:

Lori starts to get contractions while on the run from walkers with Carl and Maggie. They hide in a boiler room and Maggie prepares to help Lori give birth. But something is wrong and Lori starts to bleed. Lori knows what the problem is and we now know she had a c-section with Carl. She persuades Maggie to cut the baby out of her even though she knows it will kill her.

Pro:

That leads to a very moving moment between Lori and Carl as they say goodbye. Lori tells Carl to always do the right thing, even though it's so easy to do the wrong thing in this world.

Pro:

Maggie cuts along Lori’s c-section scar and within seconds Lori is dead. Maggie pulls the baby from her. There is a second when we don’t know if the baby is alive or dead, but we hear its cries and we know it’s okay.

Pro:

Carl shoots his dead mother in the head to stop her returning as a walker. This is what TWD is about.

Con:

It turns out the prisoner that Rick left outside for the walkers to kill two episodes back didn’t actually die, and it's revealed he was the one who opened the gate to let the walkers in. He and Rick scuffle for reasons. 

Pro:

Replacement black guy kills his fellow prisoner who let in the walkers and then does this. We like replacement black guy now.

Pro:

Rick is about to look for Lori and Carl when Maggie show up with the baby in her blood covered arms. Sidenote: why is she walking like she just gave birth?

Pro:

Rick knows Lori is dead.

The end.

More of this please, TWD. I need to go and cry now. Bye.

Series Dissect: The Walking Dead S03E03 -- Walk With Me

SPOILER ALERT

Watching zombie porn  seriously fucks you up, kids

The third episode from season 3 of TWD, Walk With Me, Michonne finally gets some screen time. But not just some screen time. The entire episode is dedicated to the blade-swiping adventures of Andrea and Michonne, whom I’ve now dubbed Midrea, which is only befitting of their power couple status.

But enough of that. On with the show.

Pro:

We open with Midrea are taking a stroll; when they witness a helicopter go down. They decide to go investigate, taking Marley and Marne (their pet walkers. Not their names but I thought it was cute) with them, obv. This is important because it’s the first real military presence we’ve seen in the show since the very beginning.

Pro:

While amid the rubble of the helicopter, two cars pull in and they hide, watching the men get out and scavenge the wreck. Also Midrea doesn’t know that when people die they turn into walker regardless of being bitten, so they seem shocked when one of the men we’ll come to know as the Governor, stabs the dead bodies in the head.

Pro: 

Marley and Marne get a little rambunctious in the bushes, which leads Michonne to do this from fear of being discovered by the head stabbing men:

Pro: 

However they are discovered by… guess who… that’s right Merle!!! Merle is back. Hi Merle. Merle is Daryl’s brother, who was left on top of a roof in season 1 handcuffed to a pipe and inevitably had to saw off his own arm to escape (just realised how dark that was. I miss that darkness). Anyway Midrea turn around to see this face:

Pro: 

Obv Merle knows Andrea so they have some catch up time. Merle seems pretty together considering he now has a metal stump where his hand was.

Con: 

Andrea passes out for reasons and both are taken, blindfolded, with the men, where she receives medical attention and both are persuaded to stay the night. This ep is quickly loosing its edge. Come on, people.

Pro: 

Midrea discover they are in a walled town where the people have been living as a community, known as Woodbury. It’s all very calm with lots of vegetable growing. Michonne doesn’t trust these people, which leads to lots of these looks (which I love) but Andrea persuades her to give it a couple of days.

Con:

Andrea's lady parts like the Gov.

Pro:

There’s a lab and science stuff with electrodes and science things. Very important. Milton, the science guy, is impressed with Michonne’s ingenuity with her pet walkers, as she removed their arms and jaws so they cannot eat people. Milton has discovered that if you take away a walker’s ability to eat they become almost sedate. Milton wants to ask Midrea some questions and discovers that Michonne possibly knew her pets before they were walkers. Andrea expresses that she knows almost nothing of Michonne.

Pro:

After talking to a survivor of the helicopter crash the Governor, who no one knows his real name for reasons, goes to where the man said the rest of his military gang are waiting for him. The Gov goes to meet these men and we discover that the men of Woodbury have been killing military for their supplies. They ambush and kill them all. The Gov then lies to the townspeople, telling them they were already dead. How convenient. 

Pro:

That night, the Governor opens a secret door in his room and goes inside, where he sits in a chair and stares at aquarium tanks filled with decapitated heads, one of which belongs to the pilot, implying that the Gov had him murdered as well.

Pro: 

My powers of deduction tell me these people are stuffed full of secrets. How do I know? Merle told me.

The end.

Okay so we’ve seen a complete change of tone in this episode, not to mention not a hint of Rick and the gang. I’m assuming that the two groups will at some point merge together for one big blow-out.

With the Ricktatorship becoming so dark recently it’s good that the show has presented an even worse alternative, or perhaps even a destination of where Rick’s road could lead him, but at least this keeps the audience on the side of Rick and the gang for now.  

Wow, not many cons in this episode so I guess it was a good one. I like that we’re beginning to get a wider sense of what the world now is, instead of just the perspective of one group. Keep it up TWD. More next week, walking dead bitches.

Series Dissect: The Walking Dead S03E02 – Sick

If Sex and the City was set in a prison with zombies and the girls were all dudes, sexy Latin guy would so be Carry

Okay, so I know this one is late… and I’m sorry. I had a really bad few days trying to stop my clammy fingers impairing the use of my new Samsung Galaxy S3. It was a really stressful time for me, so I know you understand.

So by now you’ve probably watched episode 3 of the new walking dead. Well I haven’t so it doesn’t exist yet. You’re going to get episode 2’s dissect and you will like it.

Imma do it Pro and Con style, as is my way.

So EAT IT!

Pro:

We immediately establish that the prison people clearly have no idea of the hell that is going on outside, as they’ve been locked up for months. Also they are not even trying to pretend to be friends, which is good. Also this guy seems like a serial killer, therefore I think he’s hot.

Pro:

Prison guys are all “This is my prison” and Rick is all “No, this is my prison”. They decide to each take a separate cell block, and in exchange for half the food supplies the prisoners have been hoarding, Rick offers to help de-walker their new cell block home.

Pro:

Rick gives the prisoners a lesson in killing walkers, e.g. aim for the head. It doesn’t take, leading to this mess:

Pro: 

Rick knows it would be easier and safer to just kill the prisoners, rather than try to live with them, as sexy Latin guy has classic serial killer looks and long hair. Lori lets him know that if he thinks he should kill them, she will support him. Super dark.

Con:

Hershel, left legless from last week’s episode, is touch and go on the death front. Also we still don’t know if he’s infected. Just die, already!

Pro:

With Hershel unable to deliver Lori's demon baby, Carol knows it will fall to her to perform a c-section (why a c-section?)when she goes into labour (or if the thing starts to eat her from the inside out), so she asks Glenn to help her catch a female walker she can practice cutting up, which leads to this necrophiliac's wetdream:

Pro:

Maggie has a touching moment where she tells her Pa that it’s okay for him to let go. She knows he’d be better off dead. Yes, Hershel, let go. Let go!

Pro:

As suspected, the prisoners are a rebellious bunch and don’t do anything Rick tells them, which leads to walker madness.One of the prisoners gets bitten and sexy Latin guy smashes his head in without hesitation, showing Rick he is a killer like his hair suggests. Sexy.

Con:

Also, this guy gets this amount screen time. Who is he again? 

Con:

Sexy Latin guy is trying to bump Rick off on the down low. Not cool sexy Latin guy.

Pro: 

Which leads to sexy eyefucking...

Pro: 

Which leads to Rick doing this. This was basically the entire point of the episode, so that we knows Rick no longer has qualms about killing his fellow man in order to survive. Shane would be so proud. Bye sexy Latin guy.

Pro: 

Rick runs after another of the prisoners and traps him outside with the walkers to feast on him. Who is this Rick? I like him. Remember when Shane would do shit like this and Rick would be the one to then save him. No one's saving this one...

Con:

Annoying kid (Lori's brat) goes to get medical supplies for Hershel on his own. Lori cares that he could have gotten hurt for some reason. 

Con:

We think Hershel might die. Alas, he doesn’t. Lori saves him.

Pro: 

Rick decides the other prisoners are good enough to live because his judgment scale is super sensitive, so he sets them up in the other cell block. 

Con:

More marriage estrangement confusion.

The end.

So we saw none of black ninja badass and her bff Andrea this week and the episode moved the story on so that we now know the group are living under a Ricktatorship. Things are still dark, but where is the intensity?

More of Zombie Prison Break next week.