Showing posts with label Poem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poem. Show all posts

Monday, 29 October 2012

Brandon Flowers Says He’s More Rock ‘n Roll Than Everyone


Brandon Flowers and Adam Levine are the same person, scientists recently announced

Some of you may remember The Killers, they had a good debut album out a few years ago then they disappeared. Well, they didn’t disappear as much as they did suck, which meant I stopped paying attention to them so they might as well have.

Well the frontman Brandon Flowers, who used to be hot but is now a Mormon or something, said this recently:

"I want to be myself. I live my life how I want to. Isn't that the idea of what rock and roll is? I am more rock and roll than just about anybody else that you're going to meet."


Apaz he gave up alcohol and cigarettes five years ago for Mormon reasons.

Hang on a sec, wasn’t this the guy who pretended to not be Mormon because his label wanted him to, then after establishing his fanbase "came out" of his Mormon closet?

That's so what I call being yourself, Flowers.

Isn’t this also the guy that in 2009 said in that his band should as big as Nirvana, saying he wanted to knock Nirvana and Led Zeppelin “off their pedestals”?

Isn’t this also the guy who wore this:


In response to the douche-baggery that is Brandon Flowers I’ve written a poem for him. I’ve called it Brandon Flowers can suck Nirvana’s dick.

Brandon Flowers is a Mormon
No one even cares
If Nirvana were still around
Kurt would pull out your hair

Your songs are blander than beige
Your image is lamer than lame
You think you rock the world, my friend
Looking like Adam Levine

So tell the world as much as you need
That you’re a big rock star
But when all things are said and done
Nirvana out-rock you by far

Those who are rock and roll never need to point out how rock and roll they are. Fact.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

An Open Letter To Pussy Riot


Marketing Success: In just two years Pussy Riot will be the biggest band in the world

Dear Pussy Riot,

You are marketing geniuses. In just two years’ time you will have a fan-base to rival Lady Gaga’s. You’ll have book deals, movie deals and interview deals flying towards you faster than Vladimir Putin's henchmen at that cathedral that one time.

It was a good decision to be arrested and I can see big things for you in the future. Already you have the backing of Paul McCartney, Bjork and Madonna, and that’s before you’ve even become super skinny from all your “me” time in those spa camps you’ve now been sent to separately.

Use this time to become better performers.

Don’t worry I think you’ll totes work as a duo instead of a trio. I see bad things in the future of Yekaterina Samutsevich, who was released on appeal after her lawyers successfully argued that she hadn't even managed to take her guitar out of its case before being kicked out of the cathedral.

Lazy bitch.

I see her becoming fat and not what Pussy Riot needs when it goes to Hollywood.

To help you through some dark times ahead, I’ve composed this poem for you. Enjoy. I’ve called it Cunt Uprising

Pussy
Riot
Hunger Strike
Thin
Work out and tip your hair
Stop dressing like boys
Be a lesbian to survive
Hurt
Then write songs about jail and Putin
Call one “Putin a sock in it”